I Found Love When I Stopped Searching

The Update

Hey, dear reader. It’s been a long while since I last wrote here. My last entry was about my 13th spiritual birthday and how grateful I am that God found me, how He gave me purpose, and how He’s never given up on me. In this entry, I hope to share a story of how God has answered one of my long-standing prayers with the hope of encouraging you and inspiring you to continue trusting and waiting on the Lord. 

After four months of not being able to write, I’ve got some beautiful news to share with you: God has finally allowed me and the man that He has prepared for me to cross paths and know each other right in the middle of this pandemic. 🥺

The Surrender

Back in college, I had the desire of getting married at 26 and start a family at 28. At 21, as I was healing from heartbreak, I began to write letters for my future husband even if I don’t know him or I haven’t met him yet. Those letters were like journal entries, with me sharing prayers, and stories of how I was, what I was into at that time, what’s happening in my life, and questions of wonder of what he would be like or where and how we would meet. Slowly healing from my heartbreak, I started to believe God for my love life every year and would include it in my faith goals. However, when I reached 24, doubts about this marriage dream of mine crept in. Two more years left before my ideal marrying age and I know I still need time to know and get to know this mystery guy. It was also at 24 when God called me to a new season of being a full-time campus missionary. Being in that new season made me surrender my timeline (finally) and entrust my future into His hands.

If there is someone who can best author my love story, it’s God. Not me, my family, my friends, some matchmaking apps, or what-have-you. It was at that point of surrender when I decided to focus on Him more and on the calling that He has for me at that season — to experience His love and to let the next generation experience it too as a campus missionary.

“Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.” 
— Psalm 139:13-16

The Peace

April 16, 2020, the night before I turned 26. While I was praying, I came to terms again with myself that this will not be the year that I will get married. At that moment, I wasn’t feeling any kind of worry, frustration, or disappointment. I didn’t fuss like a little child over a toy that I’ve always wanted to have. What I felt that night was unexplainable peace in my heart. I’m okay. I’ve never felt so joyful and contented in my life. I was affirmed that in Christ, I am enough. I am complete. I am whole. No relationship, ministry success, finances, can completely satisfy me. Even if I am single today or if I’ll remain single for the rest of my life, I can still rejoice and I can still be at peace. Jesus is more than enough to fill the void that my heart and soul are longing for.

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” — Psalm 16:11

I was affirmed that in Christ, I am enough. I am complete. I am whole. No relationship, ministry success, finances, can completely satisfy me. Jesus is more than enough to fill the void that my heart and soul are longing for.

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The Preparation

Looking back at my 26th year, I realized why God didn’t set that age for me to marry and even to meet my future spouse. My 26th year was the year that I cried the most and was pruned the most. It was the year when God humbled me, disciplined me, molded my character, exposed and healed past hurts, and more. The man that God has in mind for me didn’t have to be there yet. My 26th year was an intimate and precious time with my Heavenly Father.

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Entering 2021 felt like a fresh start in spite of the pandemic still. God also led me to believe Him again for my love life so I wrote it down again as one of my faith goals this year.

Side story: I almost went ahead of God this year. I almost made the wrong decision of settling for the good and not waiting for His best in terms of my love life. But I praise God for the people that He has placed in my life, people who can lovingly correct me and redirect me to the right track. God has given me the grace to obey His voice too. If not, I wouldn’t have experienced the best that He has for me. Little did I know that those mentoring moments with my leaders and what He was doing in my heart at that time were already part of the preparation. God has everything set up already and it was only a matter of time ‘til His answers to my prayers would unfold.

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” — Psalm 119:105

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
— Proverbs 15:22

The Answered Prayer

Eight months into 2021 and everything did unfold in God’s perfect time, by His grace, and through His ways. It was an unexpected and beautiful surprise — an amazing plot twist to my 2021. Six years have passed since I started writing letters for the man that God has prepared for me and I am still in awe of how He orchestrated everything and of how He remembered every prayer of mine. (The recipient of my letters finally has a name and a face! 🥺) God heard, and He remembered the uttered prayers, the written ones, and even the hidden ones. I didn’t have to search, I simply had to fulfill His purpose for me as I waited on Him and trusted Him.

Boaz asked the overseer of his harvesters, “Who does that young woman belong to? … I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, Mahlon’s widow, as my wife…” — Ruth 2:5, 4:10

“If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!” — Matthew 7:11

"He has made everything beautiful in its time..." — Ecclesiastes 3:11a

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,” — Ephesians 3:20

I didn’t have to search, I simply had to fulfill His purpose for me as I waited on Him and trusted Him.

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Boyfriend reveal. 🥰 Forever grateful for this man who loves God more than me and who loves me with the love of God. God gave me more than what I’ve prayed for. 🥺💛 Thank You, Lord! ✨🙌🏻

The Ultimate Blessing

I am blessed to be in this new season of my life. I am no longer just feeling the kilig over other people’s love stories or over K-dramas. Praise God because I am experiencing it in my own life now too. But you know what? As much as I am grateful for this new relationship, I know that this is just a beautiful bright star in my universe but he isn’t my universe. Jesus is. God’s love for me can never compare to the love that other people have for me. My new relationship and all the other things that I am enjoying in this life are simply tangible expressions of God’s love and grace for me.

My new relationship is just a beautiful bright star in my universe but he isn’t my universe. Jesus is. My new relationship and all the other things that I am enjoying in this life are simply tangible expressions of God’s love and grace for me.

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Even without my romantic relationship, God’s love is more than enough to satisfy and secure me all the days of my life. Even before I knew about love, God has already loved me. Even before I had the desire to look for love, He has already set His eyes on me. Even before I had the desire to be pursued, He has already sought after me. Jesus — Lover of my soul, my greatest breakthrough, and my ultimate blessing. He has loved me even when I am not worthy, even when I have hurt Him, even when I have failed. And I want to tell you that in Christ, you can experience the greatest love you’ll ever know in this life too.

Even before I knew about love, God has already loved me. Even before I had the desire to look for love, He has already set His eyes on me. Even before I had the desire to be pursued, He has already sought after me.

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If you are a student or a single professional who is praying and waiting for a “love life”, know that God is mindful of you. If He is the one who gave you that desire, He will provide what you need at the right time, under the right circumstances. He is mindful and He is faithful. If you are healing from heartbreak, I pray that you will find comfort, peace, joy, hope, and satisfaction in the Lord. He is near and He wants to heal you.

To the ladies reading this, you don’t need to strive. Find yourself dancing at the center of God’s will and let the man that God has for you seek and find you there. For the men reading this, let God lead you to Himself as He leads you to the suitable helper that He has prepared for you. Listen to Him, obey His voice, and surround yourself with godly men who will also journey with you. For both men and women, you are loved regardless of your relationship status. Having a wife or a husband can make you happy in this life but it is not the goal — pursuing Christ and His will for you is. You can enjoy God in every season of your life. He is more than enough. 

“Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You.” — Psalm 63:3

Having a wife or a husband can make you happy in this life but it is not the goal — pursuing Christ and His will for you is. You can enjoy God in every season of your life. He is more than enough.

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…Rai 

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Here are some songs you can listen to as you wait for God’s best for you. 🤍

• Love is Waiting – Brooke Fraser
• Touch The Sky – Hillsong UNITED
• Lead Me Onward – Mid-Cities Worship
• Christ is Enough – Meredith Andrews
• Amazed – Lincoln Brewster